I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
