he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
