I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
