I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
