What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
