Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
