What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
