So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
