I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
