I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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