drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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