you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
