i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize