I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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