Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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