After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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