How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
