5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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