yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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