if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
