Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there was a trapeze. enough said
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
