# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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