I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
