Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize