I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she peed on how many people?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
