then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
