So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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