remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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