I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
