It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
