Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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