Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
