didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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