Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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