we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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