Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
