You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's always time for handjobs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
