So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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