No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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