I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize