now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
