My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
