I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize