So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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