from now on my penis is your penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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