she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
