drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
