As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize