He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
