i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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