to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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