i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
