i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
