My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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