So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
