grandma shit on top of the toilet
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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