Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize