My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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