Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
