Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
