Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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