Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
