Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
