Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
