i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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