a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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