Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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