I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
where are my eyebrows?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
