I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
