And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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