her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
