Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
