i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
