they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
