god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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