I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
