I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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