so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
