it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
