tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
