dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
