Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize