hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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