i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
