Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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