You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
