She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
